The Week That Was-Edition 15

The Week That Was:

How can you be reading this column with a happy face when you are yet to receive your exam results? I am telling you, you should be really worried, upset and depressed thinking about the possibility of a Re-Do. This comes from a man who has failed at least one paper in all the trimesters except the 2^nd, so you guys should be really worried and depressed. Well, if you believed the above lines and started to get really worried then you are not a regular reader of The Week That Was. Re-Do is an opportunity to gain a deep conceptual understanding of the subject, Re-Do makes your life meaningful and lets you stay focussed. Studying MBA without a Re-Do is like travelling in a ship without a compass. You will never get the adrenaline rush and excitement of clearing the paper in a Re-Do if you cleared all your papers in the first attempt, how can you call yourself a Manager when you haven’t faced defeat?

Regular readers would know that I got a Ph.D after I completed my 12^th, having consistently failed in more than 7subjects since LKG in all the exams in all classes (except the final exams of 10^th&12^th), my principal gave me Ph.D. Not really, Ph.D here stands for Passed high school with great Difficulty. So let us worry about more important things happening around the world starting with Obama’s visit to India last week. The US salesman was very generous in praising all aspects of India trying to woo the Indian investors and politicians alike. If I was in his town hall style meeting with students, I would have asked him questions about his drug abuse, hostel life, and work life balance after becoming a President than asking about Pakistan or his vision about future because he says things just for the sake of it. I don’t want to sound like Arindam Chaudhuri in criticising him but I think he was just too desperate to get more money from our pockets and stuff it in US coffers. Arindam Chaudhuri criticises things just for the sake of criticising and gain attention, he is such an attention seeking twat. The difference between him and God is that, God doesn’t think he is Arindam Chaudhuri.

Instead of worrying about global affairs and wasting time we should be rather worried about the Queen of Britain launching her profile on Facebook. Queen Elizabeth at the age of 84 opened her profile in the social networking site to stay in-touch with her fans so she could update them about her daily activities. Well, majority of her activities are spent on a wheel chair so it ain’t that interesting to be honest, I would rather follow Kim Kardashian or Eminem for a bit of fun than a granny. Not many times in my life have I applauded the Police department but I am now for killing the jerk, who kidnapped and murdered 2kids from Coimbatore. Animals like him should be stoned to death or killed in an encounter than putting him in jail, so the Police did the right thing, well done gentlemen. I am sure all of you would have read about the 2engineering graduates who kidnapped a kid for a ransom of 1crore. Surprising fact is that one of the kidnappers was an MBA from UK.

This is what happens when all the management text books consistently bang on about Shareholder Wealth maximisation; this guy misunderstood the concepts so he tried to maximize his wealth by Kidnapping. Idiots didn’t even realise how stupid they were. If earning money is your ultimate aim then you can earn it in an exciting way without harming others. I have got loads of such exciting ideas to do business but none of them are legal in at least 170nations of the UN. I am looking for a Venture Capitalist or an Angel Investor who would like to support start ups in regions like Afghanistan, Cuba, Amsterdam or Mexico. These ideas don’t harm anybody and believes in Customer Romancing and Customer Delight, 90% of profits generated goes to CSR and rest 10% will be reinvested in the business. The CSR aims to give a better life to a poor individual named Ifthi who lives in United States of Trichy. Vision: To legalise the illegal. So come, Invest and together we shall grow.

If you hate someone from the bottom of your heart, the best way to punish him is by giving him a ticket to Golmaal3. It is such a sad movie and tries too hard to make you laugh but their effort falls flat on its face, pathetic storyline with pathetic screenplay. A research conducted in Britain among 4500 women revealed that shopping burns more calories than working out in the gym, so ladies, if you want to stay fit, go shopping. But another research revealed that majority of men cheat on their wives/girlfriends when their partner is out shopping, so shopping is a double edged sword mind. There is this software called Bull-Fighter made by Deloitte which analyses the amount of BS written in any article or passage, all you got to do is Copy-Paste the words and it will analyse and tell you how much of BS is written. I tried it by posting one of my previous columns of The Week That Was and the software calculated that it contains 95% of BS and only 5% of truth. Further research revealed that the 5% of truth is actually the following statement “Ifthikar Ahmed, 2^nd Year MBA” if that statement was taken out then you can be assured that it is 100% BS. I am planning to get a Six-Sigma certification for my consistency in maintaining the level of BS, so if you want to help me then see me. I will see you when I see you.