The Week That Was-Edition 12

The Week That Was (19/08/2010)-----------à My birthday J J

Hey friends, I hope u all had a great weekend, it is nice to see you all reading yet another column of mine. Some say they learn nothing out of it, I don’t claim to facilitate any knowledge anyway, so if you are expecting to gain knowledge then you are in the wrong section matey.  My mate says I always start writing with a clean piece of paper and a dirty mind, I am not sure about that one, but it must be true I guess. The other day someone asked me “what is one thing that you would gain by pursuing an MBA?” I thought long and hard about what happened in my life and my friends’ life and told him “You will break up with your girlfriend by the end of first year”. That is a hypotheses which needs a lot of testing using various statistics, talking about Stats, here is something interesting, Los Angeles teachers union has called for a massive boycott of Los Angeles Times over the paper's publication of articles that used student test scores to evaluate the effectiveness of teachers. The paper conducted various statistics to analyse the effectiveness of the teachers in classrooms, apparently teachers who teach statistics are protesting that “Statistics can’t be relied to arrive at any conclusions”, I love the Obama government for giving them the taste of their own medicine.

Girls, drinking beer is bad for you. A study by Harvard Medical School has found that drinking beer regularly may raise the risk of psoriasis by over 70% in women. The doctors conducted a study on 82,869 women who drink more than 3beers a week to arrive at this conclusion; however there is good news for you. They also found no association between the disease and light beer, red wine, white wine or liquor. So ladies if you are planning to booze then make sure the drink you have is not a beer, because I care for you. I not only care about women, I also care about the environment and I am delighted to inform that your car could also have peg of Whisky everyday giving you company on lonely nights. Scientists at Edinburgh Napier University in Scotland have found a way to manufacture biofuel from the by-products of whisky, they say it can reduce carbon emissions and it is also sustainable, because, whisky powered cars doesn’t require massive forest-trashing unlike other biofuels. So the more you drink, the more environmentally friendly you will become, so please save the planet by drinking Whisky.

I am sick of reading endless articles and reports about how bad smoking is to you and others around you, here is a woman who defied all logics. Britain's ‘oldest smoker’ Winnie Langley, who puffed more than 170,000 cigarettes for over 95 years, has died a month short of her 103rd birthday, may her soul Rest In Peace. This Granny started smoking at the age of 7 after World War-I started and made headlines at her 100th birthday after being photographed lighting a cigarette with a candle. She used to smoke five Cigarettes a day but recently reduced it to 1Cigarette day as she was unable to afford Cigarettes due to the credit crunch. What we can learn from this is, as long as you are enjoying your life by boozing and smoking like this Granny, we will live longer. What was all the fuss about the Srilankan bowler bowling a no ball to deny Sehwag a century? What he did was perfectly within the rules of the game and the Indian media made a mountain out of a mole hill because they didn’t have better news to report on.

Ramalinga Raju got a bail for paying a paltry sum of 40lakhs, it wouldn’t have hurt his bank balance much considering the fact that he looted more than 14000crores of the Shareholder’s money. Whilst the Indian police beat the crap out of a pickpocket for stealing 100bucks, gentleman like Raju walk freely with full police protection, I would love to learn the nuances of the business world from Satyam’s sister concern ISB, Hyderabad, mastering the art of BS will help you to earn millions and you can give lectures about ethical business practices and CSR during your leisure time. Sticking with burglary, a fat burglar in Britain tried to break into a house through the bathroom window, due to his bulky frame he got struck for 6hours and the owner of the house rang the fire department to rescue him. He was obviously an idiot for trying things beyond his means and is now eating low-fat Sandwiches at the London Jail. India will move to the fourth position for the number of corporate jets owned by the business tycoons by the end of next year. The Indian business Tycoons have ordered for 157 jets worth around a billion dollars, who said India is poor?

I just realised that everything I have written above would be considered offensive by the followers of PMK party led by Ramadoss, if you are such a person then I would like to meet you in-person to learn about Diving so I could get an Olympic Gold medal for my country. Because I have not done anything worthwhile for the past 21years of my life and after turning 22 last Thursday, I am on a mission to dedicate myself to my adopted nation Holland (watch Harold&Kumar-2, you will know why). Just to finish things off, Love is like an exploding Cigarette which we smoke willingly, or you could say it’s like trying to kiss a burning Charcoal (more such BS can be found in my Facebook profile, just search for Ifthikar Ahmed), so friends stay safe by not visiting my profile. I will see you when I see you.